Deleterious Effects
Defined as harmful, often in a subtle or unexpected way, I found the adjective, deleterious particularly applicable to the subject matter of this month’s post. When you ponder some of its appropriate synonyms, which include destructive, harmful, and pernicious, there is no better definition for what assassinates our aspirations. When you delve into the nuts and bolts, I suspect most would agree assassination has never been subtle or unexpected, unless all you ever do is simply scratch its surface.
I know it sounds dramatic and some may find it a bit jarring, perhaps over the top. If you do, I consider it mission accomplished. I have always viewed my role as a writer is to slap people across the face with words designed to wake them up from how we truly see the world and use them in ways others may find a tad peculiar. It serves to hone the craft and maintain fresh perspectives.
In the past, I have spoken of various roadblocks serving to either distract or completely derail our creative endeavors, especially in my personal life. I do strive to avoid cyclic conversations but, lets face it, the human condition creates more dichotomies than it can ever help to resolve over many lifetimes. The key is to recognize our creative diversions, grab them by the hilt, and force them to fuel our pursuits in the direction of fulfillment.
My What Lies Beneath post from October 2019 was very candid and brutally honest regarding my challenges in remaining cognizant of why I started writing. I continued my self-analysis in the May 2020 post, Self-Awareness, where you will see similar scrutinization’s of my lackluster approach to developing The Sy’Arrian Legacy series and utter befuddlement as to how something I created at the age of 16, could be continuously put on the back burner in favor of pursuits bearing no fruit, except for periodic moments of joy.
If anyone were to take a small amount of time to review my prior posts, it would be glaringly obvious how cyclic my approach to the creative process has been. Even I have noticed, my greatest bouts of self-awareness regarding the very thing I am writing about now, take place near the end of the year. It is not merely the act of being self-aware but also how we respond to moments of enlightenment, which determine if we continue navigating our lives as usual or break the cycle to begin achieving our true potential.
You have seen me use the term cyclic several times already in this post. I was first introduced to its meaning when I began studying Zen and the concept of Samsara to help in understanding my own mind and where it’s suffering initially began. I would suggest doing your own research on the concept should any of my own writings spark an interest in the subject matter.
This very same subject matter hit me full force only a few months ago, where I realized just how far I had strayed from the course of what truly inspires me. It was then I realized serious change would require a complete rewiring of my thinking and, if I were to have any chance of success, I would need help.
Although I have studied several religions for both personal knowledge and research purposes, I typically refer to myself as atheistic; however, when it comes to development of the self, I lean into many wisdoms sprinkled throughout various religions and spiritual frameworks. Buddhism, Zen, and the Toltec Wisdom are ones I have used to reshape my mind and focus on compassionate living.
In the Links section of this blog, I reference Vietnamese Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh and don Miguel Ruiz, who conveys the Toltec tradition, as guides to my own transformative thinking. These principles are designed to help us all live better lives through an understanding of our attachments, which often lead us down the path of suffering.
This leads me to the crux of this post. Honestly, it is something I thought would never be uttered from my lips. This incredulousness is what made the habitual side of my personality continue with business as usual to such an extent, I had no idea as to the severity of what my neglect was doing to my creative endeavors. Nonetheless, I realized no matter how much a particular practice or pursuit gives me joy, it is not worth stifling one of the things I am truly blessed with doing well: writing. Trust this is not ego talking, merely a humbling statement based on what others have told me.
You may recall from previous posts how robust, open world, first person computer games play an important role in content creation. Many have superbly crafted storylines, strong characterization, and beautiful environments, which often keeps my own creative process flowing. Much like a finely crafted book or visually stunning movie, computer gaming can hold its own against any other type of content designed to inspire or entertain us. It also can be very addictive, much like any other compulsion if left unchecked.
I understand many may scoff at such a statement, especially when you consider what is being referenced. In my conversations with people about my own additive personality, unless we are talking about alcohol or hard drugs, many find it inconceivable to associate addictive behavior with something as innocuous as computer gaming. This is a slippery slope all of us can fall victim to if we do not practice even an iota of self-awareness.
I will not delve into the myriad viewpoints of what constitutes the various forms of addiction, perhaps in another post. In my situation, I have accepted the harsh reality of what excessive computer gaming has done to my creative pursuits. I have allowed it to ravenously consume every bit of free time I have, which should have been spent continuing to write about a story I profess to care so deeply about. When I consider the other concepts, I have meagerly fleshed out in the form of rough notes or haphazard outlines, any significant length of time spent on furthering my writing endeavors would be better than countless hours living in someone else’s world at the expense of my own.
My writing has not been the only causality. I was an avid book reader, especially as a young kid and reading various works from all genres helps build our vernacular. I have yet to finish the collective works of Robert Jordon’s, The Wheel of Time series or continue to follow Terry Brooks. Practicing proper fitness and allocating appropriate time for meditation has also suffered. These facets serve to make the whole greater than the sum of all its parts.
This was an extremely difficult realization for me because I truly enjoy immersing myself in well told and stunningly beautiful open world games. Yet, I know my writing takes precedence and, if I truly want to practice balance, I need to redefine how I see myself in the present moment while also returning to a semblance of my former self prior to the advent of computer games.
At the beginning of 2022, I will begin to reshape my thinking to better serve my writing and entire outlook. No, it is not a New Year resolution, because those who know me best, also know I do not believe in those types of resolutions. For me, it is simply a clean starting point and helps to gauge progress.
I will not close with firm affirmations; I have done so in plenty of other posts, which have led me in circles. Suffice say, the only way to measure success is by doing and leaning on those closest to you for accountability. Only then are you able to navigate and sidestep the land mines put on the path before you.
Feel free to post your questions or comments. I will respond, if need be, when I am able.
Resources:
Atheism: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atheism
Deleterious: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/deleterious
don Miguel Ruiz: https://www.miguelruiz.com/
Samsara (Buddhism): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sa%E1%B9%83s%C4%81ra_(Buddhism)
Toltec: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toltec
Thich Nhat Hanh: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Nh%E1%BA%A5t_H%E1%BA%A1nh
Zen Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zen
