Here I Go Again
When I was in my early 20s, which was a lifetime ago I can assure you, I came upon a song by the English hard rock band, Whitesnake titled Here I Go Again. A portion of it lyrics go a little something like this; Here I go again on my own, going down the only road I’ve ever known, like a drifter I was born to walk alone, and I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time. It became my theme song for many years, mostly because I found myself walking down a path all too familiar to me. One where meaningful connections and lasting love were fleeting concepts.
This month’s post will continue an evolving trend, where I allow for a more organic approach in my writing for 2024 and beyond. As I reiterated in my February 2024 post, the substance of this blog will remain the same albeit, I will be stretching its true purpose from time-to-time. Speaking to what inspires us to create does not merely encompass the obvious such as books, movies, well-crafted story driven computer games, and music, just to name a few. Direct contact with people and our life path are the largest influencers of the content we create.
In my Instagram reel for the December 2023 blog post, I said, Here is to what I hope will be an eventful 2024. From this point on, I have made a rule to not make such qualitative statements and if one does enter my mind I will…let it go. I had no idea what I had just set in motion by uttering those words. Maybe you have experienced the same thing but my 2024 has been, so far, absolutely cray, cray. Yes, I will probably be using more informal speech in this post, so sue me. Also, as you have come to expect from me, a sprinkling of Zen will be incorporated as well.
This post will be personal and venture into territory, I typically articulate to my parental unit and close friends. Yet, I go to the venue providing me the greatest flexibility to express myself freely, which is communicating with the written word. A somewhat lost art form if you ask me in the age of Snapchat, TikTok, Telegram and short, choppy sentences in your texting app of choice. Do not get me wrong, I believe every tool we use to make our lives easier has its place and I am by far not anti-technology. Hello, I am using a computer to create this post and put it on the internet, plus I just upgraded to the latest iPhone! What I am about is minimizing our distractions and wielding the fine art of writing to put into words, what may be difficult to communicate in person.
You have witnessed in many of my writings, especially those in the last year, articulate a mindset of the summation of who we are can only be contained in the present moment. What has come before and what may come are irrelevant, which should never be construed with not preparing for such things as creating a retirement fund, an emergency backpack for potential disasters or where you want to be in a career. The Zen teaching of living in the moment is one of many mindfulness practices designed to help rid ourselves of unhealthy attachments, so we may avoid samsara, the cycle of aimless drifting, wandering or mundane existence.
Having already spoken to Samsara in my prior blog post, I will not repeat the concept, merely have it serve as context for a significant life change, I am currently experiencing as I transition from one state of awareness to another. Those within my small inner circle of friends who have yet to discover what I am about to convey, may find it a tad shocking or may be aware of more than I expected. Suffice to say, before I continue, I am doing fine and if it were not for my sincere focus of actually practicing Zen, not just reading about it, I am not sure where I would be right now.
If one thing my 57 years of living, nine of it in the military, has taught me is we have the privilege of spending small segments of our lives with beings who leave a lasting and truly beautiful imprint on our souls. It does not matter if one does or does not believe in the concept of a soul because the connection, we form with others is not diminished by something we personally believe to not exist. On rare occasions there are those who come along, where the connection lasts longer and a lifelong bond is formed. These types of connections accompany us on our journey as we live moment to moment circumnavigating life’s path. It is this type of bond I will be referring to in this post.
What tends to rack our often entrenched and circular thinking minds is when two people come together to form an everlasting union most would consider unbreakable. When this type of bond transcends to the extent where the path these two individuals were on together split apart due to their evolution as unique individuals, the thought often never enters the minds of onlookers, these two have learned everything they can from one another, and the time has come to begin a new chapter as separate individuals once again.
I suspect many would be surprised to learn this evolution of self happens more often in relationships than they realize. Even during our earliest stages of development, we fill our heads with grandiose notions of finding the one and spending the rest of our natural lives with them only to realize the triad of inevitability: birth, life, and death. These are the only constants in a universe repeatedly reminding us, we are not in charge and what we experience during these predetermined phases are merely touchstones, designed to remind us to cherish every moment for they will never come again.
As a young child of 8-years old, I had it all planned out, based on what I conceptualized at the time as a simple notion; find a nice boy, settle down, and spend the rest of my life with him. Seems fairly simple, right? Well, what most of us do not realize, sometimes at any age, is this little wild card called, life has other plans for us. You see, life does not care about our personalized agendas and finely crafted action plans. It is here to keep us grounded, give us bloody noses to teach some intricate life lesson and, more importantly, to help us master the concept of adaptability. How we choose to interact within this framework will determine if samsara is a constant companion or a distant memory.
I’ve had three significant relationships in my life, all with varying lengths of time and unique life lessons. Each of these beautiful and wonderful individuals had what seemed to be limitless patience and tolerance for me as arrogance, disguised as helpful guidance, allowed my anger to poison all efforts of self-improvement. It was not until I began applying Zen did I realize what should have been an obvious fact; how could I possibly help others if I could not heal myself.
This is where I am currently as a chapter of 24 wonderful and magnificent years comes to a close. During this time I had the privilege of being allowed to experience my most significant periods of personal growth and far too many epiphanies to mention in a single post. There is no sadness, only acceptance of how two individuals can change to such an extent, they part ways to travel down their own unique paths, while remaining close through the bond of friendship. This is a beautiful thing to be revered, not interpreted as failure but as evolution.
If I am to circle back to my Whitesnake song, I am going down the only road I have ever known, but I am certainly not walking it alone. I will continue to practice living in the moment and will take time to heal myself. This way when the next person comes along, I will not only be emotionally present and available for them but for myself as well.
So, talk less, do more and be humble. This will allow wisdom to take hold and give you the ability to help yourself, while being effective in helping guide others to take their journey towards living in the moment.
Be safe, be well and let us get back to the fine art of creative writing.
References
Samsara (Buddhism)
Whitesnake Wiki
